my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. Porn is the no. I am desperate. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. I had four children from a previous marriage, I had a tubal ligation reversal so we could have a child of our own, By serious good luck, we had one. She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. Drying up was a major problem. I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. :(, Wow Chris D!! So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. 2 weeks later I spoke to her again and ended up asking if she knew what I was suggesting. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. This is how civilizations are built. lol. Not addressing the problem out of fear of confrontation will only make matters worse. Oh stfu. Same issue here. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. Am I undesirable? Underlying medical problems We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. And cheating isnt an option either. For everything there is a season. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. Same exact situation here its a living hell! Youre doing them harm when refusing. None the less partners have to also accept it is something you dont get used to or get over. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. Learn how your comment data is processed. Sorry long diatribe. Im to the point where Id be happy with an occasional peck on the cheek. Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. I hear a lot of men on here talk of leaving their wives over this. I dont understand. Technology is at an amazing point for this right now. if you want to get married for children just understand that your wife will stop wanting to have sex with you after she gets her babies. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). No one wants to talk about it. Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. Do they shrink with age? Im 47 and this happened to me. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina. If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. I am not willing to live the last 15-20 years of my life without affection, at least. I love it communicate, tell her how you feel. Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! Life is definitely funny. But if neither of those possible remedies to the sexless marriage proves satisfactory, then perhaps the couple should agree to allow the husband to seek sex outside of the marriage. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. At first when we were dating this were fine. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. Ed if your still out there I have the same view as you do on the phone and web. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. She claims to always be tired anyway. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. You have grown as a human being . Yes it seems so mechanical and cut and dry the way some men are, so no sex is much more appealing. Ive no where to go. But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. In the room. And sadly that is not my situation. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. Where is their allegiance to you? A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. When we were young, we had sex every single day. She is a poor communicator and no matter how much I ask she gives me the silent treatment and thinks its OK. both my parents are senior. Same for women who refuse to engage in sex with their partners. I understand. Add to this many complications: conditioning from childhood, feeling you are being used for someone elses pleasure, not being attracted, not meeting your partner at the same emotional level. Dont you love anything? My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. I love her. On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. This isnt one of those seasons things, she believing a lie from the devil to her, to destroy your marriage. Good luck. It will make you horny as hell, however. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. Ive slept in my own bedroom for 43 of those years. They seem just as happy as any other married couple. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good. Soon thereafter, she lost interest altogether and would reject me, citing we would schedule a weekend session which never occurred. There is simply no point in brushing the problem under the carpet. Even books on men not wanting sex place the responsibility on the woman. 1. we always believe that we are being judged . He was gone on the road 80% of the time. Maybe you are the only one getting pleased and thats not fun. I started seeing sex workers. . Frustrated. Take time to learn about the secrets of sex all women wish men knew, learn your way around her body and plan a special evening together. Its just not worth my time to talk to her, all I get is whining, complaining and thats exhausting. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. I NEED an active partner. He decided hed have an affair. She NEVER asks but will tell me I can have it whenever I want. I have tried joint with promises of renewal and never worked. Therapy will help you identify the issues underlying the lack of sex, teach you how to communicate more effectively, give you strategies for regaining your intimacy if shes willing, and tools for coping if shes not, and offer you the boost you need to work on your relationship. For the most part, her doctor (A woman) has told her that it was time to give it up. Talk about a double standard! If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. Thank God I love to ski. that you would love to have *that* him back in your life. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. I moved on to another job, we did not keep in touch for very long. I love her more than anything in this world. Who risks? I hear ya. As sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, once told mbg, "There's a two-way relationship between relationship satisfaction and sexual desire.". If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma. Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. I cannot hurt him. Sex ended, period. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? Its worth discussing with your doctor. Important note: The only way to find out exactly why your wife is not interested in sex is to ask her yourself. My hubby is one happy camper. 24 years younger than I. When hes not writing or advising people on how to thrive in their relationships, he loves exploring new places with his partner, working out, and pretending that hes good at cooking exotic stuff. The article itself is very weak and rehashed b.s., But the comments are priceless! Guys. I am a 58 year old woman. This is sad. Besides intercourse itself, she turns me away when I attempt to initiate some sort of intimacy by kissing or stroking, things she used to love in the past. Thomas, I agree! For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. I am talking about virtual reality and toys for Men like the flesh light, that can at least make the situation bearable. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! Cause it needs done. may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. He has an expectation of honesty and communication, perhaps, but only if he is providing the same for you. When they stop they stop. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). . She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. I happen to like the situation I created and I will never change it. Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. That may not be possible. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. Here's her full guide to prioritizing sex as parents. Have sexual experiences together that don't revolve around intercourse. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. A marriage I have no interest in ending, ever. You need to be in the counseling with her because if there is no goal to overcome the issue then its just a feel good talk of sympathy and thats not treatment. He said hed think about this. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. Better have the most compatibly with someone ans have a happy fulfilling relationship. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. In long-term relationships, sex can be the fastest route for . Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. Hello Overit, Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. Having married one of the well into that 34% is hell. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". And we sacrifice ourselves for them. bcb Hasnt been for 15 years. 3. It may also help to learn about different forms of desire discrepancy. Join as many groups as you can, and leave him at home. With my wife it was menopause. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. He has type 1 diabetes and is impotent so I can understand the no sex, but no hugs or cuddles or anything? But on the other side Id the coin, Im dying for not having any kind of touch. He has with held sex before, once or twice when he was mad at me a couple of times in the past 18 year, that was my punishment. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. Just need the fortitude to go. We used lubricant but it still wasnt very effective the last time. Now I definitely feel more like the odd woman out after reading all those men complaining about lack of sex!I am 45 had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, so menopause was forced on me.I still feel like a horny B*** latina! for signs she is interested in someone else. Youre not alone. This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. Spice up your appearance. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. Just has zero desire. Is there anything I can do. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. I ruled our marriage & family and still do. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. We have been Maries for 26 years. I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! This sounds exactly like my situation although I am the husband. My wife never initiates any form of Intimacy let alone Sex. She knows this but never initiates. We might as well bring up the time tested alternative. Yeah, maybe not, eh . According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. I miss the simple things. Some persons who are older like us end up this way. . Once you cross into the no sex zone there is NO going back. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. You need to find a woman who respects you and wants to be intimate with you on a consistent basis. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. We are both active and healthy. BUT I agree If I was an electronic game, or a bead of some kind I would get some attention.. We have had a very good sex life up until a few years ago, and she has had many good sexual adventures. I have noticed in the last two months that most forms of affection have dissapeared. I have been married for almost 30 years and except for 3 wonderful children our sex life has been hit and miss. Should I let him go elsewhere? Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. He has performance anxiety. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); It pains Mike and me to hear that women can suffer this way too. Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. . Divorce? We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to If his wife refuses to explore solutions he will need to tell her the following. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. But no cuddling, spooning, showers, surprise hugs or squeezes, in bed we may as well be cousins or brother and sister as we just sleep on our own side and no touches. my dad is 85 years old and my mom is 5 years his senior at 90 years old. My best friend. Feel like I wasted my life!!! The phone started beeping and making its different sounds at 630am. I like to think there is hope but unsure. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. We lose ourselves. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. You ever think about getting some on the side? Women fall in love with their husbands have kids and having kids taking care of the kids 99.99% and working full time or taking some class to better your job. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. If your wife feels less overburdened with household responsibilitiesand sees you making an active effort to take on your share of the loadyou might find she has more time, energy, and interest in sex. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving. 3, stop calling her names and no more fights with give you more chances of having sex with her that night. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? Just shows how woman dont know anything about other women. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. The dog loves her. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. Were you on a low dose of estrogen by mouth. Because then who leads? I decided to work the night shift and made it my thing. She was before marriage. Her duty? But when I try to go to the next level. Peter: she wouldnt interest you shes like me now old, cranky, take pills and fat. I really miss the intimacy we used to have when we were sexual. the you. Sigh . They need not be. And Im okay with that. She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. I just dont understand. I lived with her for a year after a very contentious divorce from the mother of my children who cheated. I take it religiously, because it helps me in the gym and with mental clarity. "Sexuality will often emerge naturally from their authentic emotional intimacy.". At this stage, you may be right about getting help. I need to be held by a mature woman and caressed and brought to orgasm. 2 children later sex was still fun. If theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and youve realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobologys panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. If shes willing, find a therapist who will help you and your wife talk about this and really listen to each otherand if she wont go, go on your own. well she decided we will not have sex, and to top it off, she has panic if she touches me and me touching her. And now we are old and the chance of my wife changing are now nil. Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you.