Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). 2008; 42(2), 103-117. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? Being a step-parent can be a very . The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Women in polygamous marriages suffering psychological torture Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . Should a Muslim man marry a second wife? An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Archives of Women's Mental Health. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. 2. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. 2010;57(1): 121-127. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. The impact of polygamy on women's mental health: A - ResearchGate Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. But after few months it was disclosed. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. Understanding the Increase in Moral Acceptability of Polygamy - Gallup.com LDS doctrine leaves potential for 'eternal polygamy' - The Spectrum As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Some Muslims in U.S. Quietly Engage in Polygamy : NPR Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. He says he isnt much of a speaker. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. How Polygamy Works | HowStuffWorks 6 Truths About Being A Second Wife | Psychology Today Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. disadvantages of being a second wife islam As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Polygamy | The First Amendment Encyclopedia - Middle Tennessee State By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. Tajik Polygamy: 'Secret' Second Wives Confront Risk, But Often It's Too One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. 1. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. And a leading women's group is applauding . Her relationship with her co-wife was perceived to be sisterly. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Why American Muslims don't care to legalize polygamy. - Slate Magazine Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Then there are the kids. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. It doesnt mean that it wont last. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. PostedNovember 5, 2012 Both babies were through cesarean. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. Why is it higher the second time around? disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy 10 Questions You Always Wanted to Ask a Second Wife - VICE - VICE is A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. When people. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. She told her a tragic story. What it's like to be in a polygamous marriage? Muslim Malaysians share Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Causes and Consequences of Polygamy: an Understanding of Coping Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again.